14/6/12 The Beer Monster Predicts
7/6/12 Cricket in both ways
We’ve got the start of the Test match between England and the West Indies. This is the third and final in the series.
Ex England captain, Freddie Flintoff, takes the next part of his trip to Tanzania. Here he meets the Maasai tribespeople who help him trackdown the migrating wildebeest.
31/5/12 Freddie Flintoff
Only one thing worth watching tonight but it is a must see. Freddie continues on his trip and let’s hope he doesn’t get persuaded to grab the tail of a crocodile again!
24/5/12 One highlight
One to see tonight is Freddie Flintoff Goes Wild. It’s a four part series of him in the wild, go figure, and from what we have seen it looks very good. We’ll be glued anyway. We have the last episode of House. Far too up and down for us but it will be interesting to see how it all ends.
17/5/12 The Test Match starts
That’s about all they have to offer us. How can they produce so many hours of TV and it is just rubbish?
10/5/12 Yet another day with nothing
It is hard to believe we are forced to pay for this rubbish — but we are!
3/5/12 Bit odd today
C4 has a series starting called The Hoarder Next Door. It’s the first of a 4-parter and seems an odd sort of choice. But wait! Come next Tuesday we have BBC1 with an hour documentary called Britain’s Biggest Hoarders. Looks like someone seems to think we need to be told everything about this issue.
We were delighted to see that Radio 2 has an 8 part series from our favourite Richard Hawley. But wait! It’s all about Rockabilly. Oh? Now then? We might have to get back to you on this one.
A bit odd today.
26/4/12 Go to the pub
Really, there is nothing on until 10 o’clock when the ‘real’ Keith Lemon spreads some juice around.
If you are really quick after it you might also get back in for Last Orders as well!
19/4/12 We should all get a 14.3% discount on our TV Tax
Telly is just crap! Keith Lemon, with his ‘real’ face on (yes we know it’s Leigh Francis. ff), gives us the crazy Celebrity Juice but after that??????
What are the BBC Tax Riders offering us? Two
Fat Greedy Italians – we ask you? Give it a rest. To make things worse it is on for an hour! They then give us another series of Grandma’s House. This provides, at our expense, Simon Amstell with yet another opportunity to show us all how totally talentless he is. When they call it a ‘slow burner’ you just know it is really crap.
12/4/12 Just a lot of rubbish
Saving grace is the hope that Minor Character by Will Self lives up to its billing.
Other than that there is “I Can Be Even More Insincere Than You” when Davina McCall (such talent) and Nicky Heavens-How-I-Love-Myself Campbell go looking for long lost relatives. Can’t wait for the rehearsed surprise meetings!
Back on BBC it’s heartbreaking as we come to the last Sarah Millican (we can hope!). Don’t worry though because this gets repeated on Saturday night just in case you missed any of the startling wit. We can only keep our fingers crossed that as this was such a success being shown twice in a week on BBC2 that it gets repeated on BBC1.
Not too sure about the Saturday Night effort but normal service should be resumed with a new Celebrity Juice.
5/4/12 Keith Lemon
We reckon it is a Marmite night: we love him, you may hate him but he is all that’s on tonight. We are a bit worried about him going to 6:15 on a Saturday but we’ll come to that nearer the time. We also get Hollywoolybooby of course!
Seems Millican is still going on over on BBC2 and we think we have spotted a theme to tonight’s show. She has both Clare Balding and Louie Spence on – nice.
29/3/12 No Lace Trim Shock!
It is edge of seat stuff tonight as the knickers factory faces its biggest problem yet. How will Portas overcome the problem of their lace trim supplier going out of business? How will they fulfil all those hoped for future orders?
Honestly? Who gives a flying fig? We don’t know, because we don’t care, but would they broadcast it if it had all gone Pete Tong? Oh, it’s almost as exciting as the cream cake delivery deadline on Eddie Stobart! Utter tosh.
22/3/12 Where’s the pub? It’s Thursday.
We’ve got a new episode of Celebrity Juice with Holly Willowbooby. There is a bit of Portas who, in a fair world, would tell everyone what those who are now replaced are going to do for a living. We can then have a laugh, if we can be bothered to listen, when Vince Cable tells us what a huge influence he had when it came to preparing the budget. Next he’ll have us believe that if Cameron went under the famous ‘London Bus’ then Clegg would become Prime Minister. As ######### if!
15/3/12 At least we have some football
Early start for Manchester United as they kick-off at 6 o’clock. That’s about it except to comment on a few things.
The First Photo Album goes off around Stonehenge. Now this should have been good except for the uneasy feeling that the whole thing is a rip-off of Adrian Edmondson. The camera in the car shots, the captions on the photos and just about everything else about it. Now it was never an original idea when Adrian did it but he did breathe new life into it.
Same thing with Hairy Bikers Bakeation which is a straight rip-off of Anthony Bourdain – No Reservations without any of the insight or knowledge. Then, although we knew it was too good to last long, Millican is back on the BBC. Let’s hope there is a repeat on somewhere.
Now we come to Mary Portas who hopes to breathe life into manufacturing and create jobs around Manchester. Now we have to confess that we only wear one pair of knick-knacks at a time. We are not going to increase the number we buy so we are left to wonder: now those around Manchester have jobs what will those who used to make your knick-knacks, who are now no longer needed, going to do for a living? On the surface this doesn’t seem to have been thought through. Top Tip: find a niche in the market and then fill it don’t simply replace a supplier all that does is move the deck chairs around.
8/3/12 Quite depressing really – BBC = 0
Just a lot of rubbish as far as we here are concerned. Two which stick out as really dire appear on the BBC. White Heat sounds like a BBC series from 15 years ago – This Life. It also sounds like a large number of plays that have come and gone and told us the story of the plans we made, the dreams we held and what little became of them. We can not imagine this version is going to offer any great insight into this well worn path. Just to give it that ‘BBC realism’ the characters are, obviously, students back in 1965 – Oxford or Cambridge? No – too obvious. They get back together because one of the group has died – now that has never been used before!!!!
It’ll probably be brilliant but we have a doubts.
Then they are trying to make us believe, despite the wealth of evidence before them, Sarah -why-eye-I-talk-with-a- ’funny’-accent-Milican is amusing. She seems to come from around 1965 where the idea that someone who didn’t speak like the Queen was ‘so terribly amusing’. Best of luck with that one ‘joke’ – the rest of us have moved on. Put the series on a compilation DVD along with the Royal Bodyguard; should do well.
01/03/12 It’s Thursday, nothing as is the norm – BBC = 0
Well there is the craziness of Celebrity Juice but that really is just about it.
23/2/12 Three things today – BBC count = 0
We have the first Twenty20 International between Pakistan and England which will be a bit of a decider. England was totally stuffed in the Test matches while Pakistan was a poor ‘third’ in the One-Day-ers. You would imagine the force is with England but we’ll have to wait and see.
Move on to Manchester United and Ajax in Europe. This is a Thursday though and this is Europa League Football. Still, things could be worse; you could wake up and discover you are a fan of Liverpool!
Nutcase Keith Lemon rounds things off with some Celebrity Juice – crude but funny.
Here’s a thought about Helen Chamberlain. Got to be one of the best sports reporters about – why doesn’t this talented presenter do a lot more? The BBC could certainly do with someone with that much ability. Head and shoulders above the poor standard they have on show at the moment.
16/2/12 It’s football and football
Six o’clock kick-off for Ajax and Manchester United in the UEFA cup and then its 8:05 for AC Porta and Manchester City – wiiiiaaaaalllllld!
There is also a travesty of a programme on BBC about the GB Countryside. Brilliant idea! Things to see in GB that are magnificent and don’t cost anything beyond the transport. The more of these there are the more likely it is they will be nearby. But then they have to go and ruin it. Hugh Dennis? Why? Doesn’t this bloke do way too much already? Julia Bradbury did her walks and we’ve now had enough of her, especially after that junk she was in recently on the BBC with Nick Knowles. Is the BBC such a closed shop that only the likes of these, or their children, are allowed in front of a camera? Still, could be worse. At least we don’t have to suffer Sue Perkins.
On a positive note it would be wonderful to have this series with an anonymous voice over – the pictures should and would speak for themselves. Would have also probably cost us, the TV Tax payer, less than half the final cost.
9/2/12 Pretty sad
Well it is, let’s be honest. To think the only thing that might be worth a look is a new series of Celebrity Juice with Keith Lemon then things have got pretty bad. It will have to be The Singing Detective again.
Nice of Andy Flowers, he being the England manager of the cricket team that got utterly smashed three – zero, to ‘reconsider’ the preparation for this tour. Not that he’s going to do anything different. Oh no, he’s prepared to ‘reconsider’ it. He’s been in the job too long.
Nice to think that the police and the tax-man, in pursuit of the biggest fish in the square-mile (. ff), only cost the Tax Payer £8,000,000. Then some smug little git came out and tried to claim it was all worthwhile. Another one who’s been in the job too long.
It was confirmed today that Lord Justice Leveson is a fan of The League of Gentlemen. He can be heard playing The League of Gentlemen Bingo on a daily basis as he includes “egregious” as many times as he possibly can. Well played Sir!
Nice light moment in today’s Inquiry with the reference to the old statistics joke. “How do you work-out an average?” “Add them all up and divide by the number you had.” “A man could have two balls, one ball or no balls.” “That’s three men with a total of three balls – average is one ball per man.” Interesting that Will Moy went for the testicle count whereas he could just have easily gone for eyes or ears.
2/2/12 Yep, it’s Thursday
The best we can find is a re-run (we mean repeat. ff) of a classic The Singing Detective.
Time for a few thoughts: And some other things……
Now they have had a go at Fred Goodwin might it be time to start looking at those associated with him? Anyone seen this bloke of late?
David Jason doesn’t think the Americans will make a very good job of a re-make of Only Fools and Horses. Why would we take the opinion of someone who chose to be the main character in the quite awful Royal Bodyguard? America – a word of warning – avoid his latest like the plague!
How crazy if we decided to spend millions every year keeping safe 3,000 people who chose to live in Indonesia! It’s nearly 7,500 miles away – it would just be madness!
Well that was nice of them. Better not interfere with John Terry and work commitments. Let’s be honest, they would do the same for anyone. Bag of nuts.
We are all getting excited in the office of The Field at the prospect of Dorchester becoming a CITY! Hard to believe but we are in the race – come on County Hall!
26/1/12 Football and that’s it
A couple of games in the Africa Cup of Nations and that is your lot for a Thursday.
Now then, Harry Redknapp. With all the two faced, devious, lieing, cheating, scumbag lowlife to be found cheating from paying their taxes who can be found amongst the highly paid in this country why is it that, of all those they could have looked into, they have decided to look into the affairs of Harry? We think it stinks, do you know what, we KNOW it stinks.
Simple rule of cheating lowlife: you only employ an expensive accountant if you have got a shed load to hide. Pretty simple really.
Of course, Harry is the top of the worst offenders list. Our big fat hairy butts he is!
19/1/12 Hardly worth the bother
It’s Thursday and as usual there is next to nothing on. A new series of Mad Dog begins tonight, which does have its moments, while elsewhere Sale takes on Brive in the Challenge Cup. Oh yes, for those who like to beat their heads against a wall for an hour, there is Question Time. We’ve got one: ‘Why?’
12/1/12 Absolutely nothing to recommend today
And another thing…… with the Olympics on the horizon this has started to really irritate. Why have commentators started talking about ‘ath-a-letes’. Where on earth has this come from? They are ‘athletes’ – plain and simple. There is no letter ‘A’ in the middle of the word.
And another thing…… what with TVs and high-speed trains we keep hearing it. It is a letter ‘aitch’; it is not a ‘haitch’. It’s ‘aitch-dee’, not ‘haitch-dee’. Check it in the pronunciation section a decent dictionary. (ok, if in your local area everyone puts the ‘H’ sound in front it might be hard to do anything about it – doesn’t make it right though. ff)
And another thing……TV D-listers who announce to the audience that someone has lost “two point twelve pounds”. Majority of ten year olds know this is wrong but there she was for all to hear. Who said she was thick?
And another thing…….people who say “And what I say is…….” Don’t bother mate, your brother will probably be back soon.
5/1/12 Nothing else to do tonight but to go to the pub
A few reflections.
Charlie Brooker has returned to his good old self, thank heavens. We here were not impressed in his three part comedy effort and said so. This week saw him back on the horse with his Swipe at 2011. This is what he does best – more, more, more.
It’s only a Game Show but we question the ethics of the Biggest Loser. The people are there because they have accepted that they need help. It seems perverse that the people who need the most help, because they lost least, are discarded while the successful ones carry on. The end prize for the winning contestant is £25K – wonder what McCall is paid for her exertions?
Michelle Bachman pulls out of the presidential race – thank heavens.
So a footballer who uses his fingers to indicate something gets a one match ban. So what will happen to a member of the House of Lords who does the same thing? Trumpington (now that’s worth a page on it’s own!) Suarez
Funny old world.
So the Head Boy Millionaire wants to put up the price of cheap booze. I suppose when you drink wine at £40 a quid a bottle it probably isn’t going to affect you or your fellow fags. Time to get up in the loft and sort out that Home Brewing equipment. No Tax to that dreadful Osbourne oike and who knows what strength it will end up?
Let’s wait and see how many papers jump on the ‘booze is too cheap’ bandwagon. Then lookout for an announcement from those same papers that says they are now refusing to accept advertising from Supermarkets which offer deals on cheap booze. Mmmm Mmmm. What do you think?
22/12/11 XXXRated Night
It’s a ‘Men Only’ night on the BBC. Seems women don’t take part in any sport on the world stage – well the ones that the BBC cover anyway. I guess it would be a tad embarassing to have to give the awards and then have to acknowledge the clip of them winning is on Sky, ESPN or Eurosport.
Wonder how the BBC would feel if every sporting female refused to pay for a TV
How can John Terry continue to be the captain of the England football team? Any other job he’d have been suspended weeks ago!
15/12/11 Again for a Thursday there is next to nothing on
We do have Wasps playing in Europe and kicking off at 7:45. The other is a tricky one. Frank Skinner is on late and can be good but does have his off days quite frequently. There is, however, the excellent Richard D Hunter who is always worth listening to. The problem is on the show is Sarah Milican. Oh well, I guess we can’t have everything.
Can we make a simple little cooking request for over Christmas? Don’t go for pancetta for wrapping your turkey in and a fry-up breakfast. It might make you sound ‘chefy’ but please look elsewhere. Instead go for a top breed of British bacon. Not some watery cheap option but a little of the quality stuff. Be on the lookout for these.
8/12/11 It’s Thursday again so as usual there is nothing on.
There is the Varsity match at 2 o’clock, On a Thursday? What happened to the regular Tuesday event? Some traditions really shouldn’t change.
The current vodka advert and it’s version of “Crazy Nights”. What a travesty of a cover version. Kiss couldn’t have cost that much to do the original surely?
1/12/11 Struggle again! (What is it with Thursdays?)
America in Pictures: The Story of Life Magazine at 9 o’clock is the one ray of sunshine.
Always worth a listen:
The BBC Sports Personality of the Year: Andy Murray? Do me a favour! Not a single women? Agh, wait. It’s the BBC SPofY – of course they don’t HAVE any footage of women in sport. How many golfers in the top ten? Honestly? Did nobody spot it was just a tiny bit cock-eyed? Simple advice from The Field; don’t vote and encourage all your friends to refuse to take part. Murray – Personality?Miserable #### nearer the mark.
“57 channels and nothing on.” Bruce S.
Casting the net (get it?) a little wider channel 521 –RT News is worth a look. Max Keiser is a hoot who tries to out-Fox, Fox News! Hard to believe such a thing is possible. They are also on www.rt.com.
Check out David Willetts walks out of Cambridge University talk. Well, be honest, they were never going to like an Oxford Grad from Christ Church! Just asking for trouble.
The England RFU really is in a state. Didn’t appoint the most obvious man for the job and have now lost everyone and everything that might have been worth keeping………….and still Rob Andrew hangs on. Someone point out where the coats are kept and where the door is for everyone’s sake. UPDATE: They are all getting sidetracked by asking ‘who leaked?’ Great side-step! That will save the RFU from actually facing the facts.
MP’s gassing on again about at least a vote of 50% turnout. Well we know for a fact that Alan Johnson needs to be very careful what he says on the issue but there are others. Time for a little Google, there are other search engines available, search me thinks.
Could be the day for Sache at the Wankheda (there won’t be many more chances to run with this one!)
Vince Cable: “Cable will also call for evidence over the current 90-day consultation period on redundancies, with the possibility of reducing it to 30 days to give companies enough flexibility with their business plans.” I think this is a great idea and it would clearly apply to everyone. SO – Letwin, get your backside off that bench in the park and start packing up your office. You have, by the time you read this, just 29 days before you are officially redundant.
17/11/11 A bit going on.
Some live rugby kicking off at 7:45 although no English teams involved. That comes later. We’ve also got the ‘Mad Royals’ on and that should upset a few people. Can’t wait for the predictable phone-ins come Friday morning.
Today’s the Day
The Olympics, Coe (the millionaire), the Bhopal gas leak, Dow Chemicals and a bit of skirt. Now that’s one to ponder about.
Sepp Blunder: you just couldn’t make it up. No-one would believe you.
Poor old Ballbag got caught giving a speech to the parents that really didn’t go well. Got told “It’s NOT the message, it’s YOU.” He is now being comforted at home and may not be able to make Big-School come next Monday: tired and emotional (well, certainly in tears).