Captain Chaos is well and truly Off-Shore with this one as he sends out his final May-Day Signal before the General Erection next year. At least he has recognised that the current deckchairs are now looking tired and clapped-out but his problem is the replacements are all from The Reject Store. What to do? What to do?
There are some of them that simply cannot be moved. The likes of Gidiot, Vague, Gollum Gove and Tessa all know where the bodies are buried so are as safe as houses. Iain and Duncan Smith both fall into this category but they are so hated and despised over the Bedroom Tax that they’ll probably get moved sideways.
Some of the old-time heavy-weights might just find it’s time to move on and Biscuits Pickles tops that list. The 73 year-old Young hasn’t been a major success as the whip and Clarke is well past his sell-by date. Another one who showed he was completely out of his depth was Paterson & the Wife who couldn’t bale-out Off-Shore when the floods hit and neither could they handle a few badgers. Lansley, Lord of Smug, is also likely to walk away with a huge salary for 10 months for doing even less than ‘usual’. At least the cleaners will have a lot less slug-trail to mop-up.
Speaking of slug-trails, Wally Mitchell is another one likely to slither his way back into the cabinet where his revulsion towards plebs will be put to good use by both Off-Shore and Gideon Gidiot.
Off-Shore is an even more cynical than Tory Bliar so we can expect some women to be on show in his deck display but don’t imagine for one moment they will allowed near anything important. Failed TV-presenter McViz will probably be found something to continue to snarl at for her last 10 months as an MP. Liz Truss seems to have been forgiven for her affair with married former front bencher Mark Field so may well get a post, all Off-Shore has to do is find something she can do. Same goes for Priti Patel who may just be allowed out without her Party Care-Supervisor. A loose cannon if ever we have seen one!
Two others who might have a sniff at cabinet are Nicky I’ve-Been-Sitting-In-On-Cabinet-And-Been-Looking-Interested Morgan and, someone who might just pull a rabbit out of the hat, is Penny Mordaunt; she used to be a magician’s assistant!
Running the country? With this bunch of mis-fits? Next you’ll be telling us Mr Geek-Geek Milibland will be the next Prime Minister!