So What Load Of Cak Is Cameron Going To Try And Palm Us Off With?

So what script has old Liz been given to read out tomorrow? Here we go –

EU Referendum – Dodgy-Dave believes he can renegotiate the terms of membership with the EU. When he gets his way he’ll let us vote in an In/Out vote. What Dodgy has not worked out yet is that the leaders of Europe see him to be as about as welcome as a dog-turd in a swimming pool.

Income Tax – This is where Dodgy and Gideon aim to keep income tax, national insurance and VAT at the same rates until 2020. What this means is that VAT, that Gideon PUT UP to 20%, will not be REDUCED regardless of your level of income. Nice one Dodgy.

Immigration – Dodgy is going to have a crackdown on illegal immigration. What tosh! So something that is ALREADY illegal he is going to make really illegal. What a knob head.

Policing – May doesn’t want police cells to be used for the emergency detention of mentally ill individuals. Great idea Tess, for once. What is not so great is what she proposes is to happen with these people and where the money is coming from to facilitate it. A huge Black hole.

City Devolution – So Gideon is going to give certain powers to a small number of cities. If you are not one of these cities then any control over housing, transport, planning and policing is just a lot of old guff.

Strike Laws – Basically Dodgy-Dave would like to take the UK back to the Victorian days when life was simple and the Boss could do whatever he or she {preferably he} wanted. He also wants to introduce chimneys once again to all homes and sees this as an employment opportunity for school leavers.

Employment – Dodgy has this idea that a country can achieve “full employment”. Utter tripe of course and made even worse by his redefinition of what constituents employment. Try getting a mortgage on a zero-hours contract. The little Nasty Party sting here is he’ll pay for it by reducing benefits with a cut in the cap by £3,000 a year. That sort of looks like a £250 a month cut for people who are already on benefits.

Schools – His aim is to “deliver better schools – with more radical measures to ensure young people leave education with the skills they need”. He also wants to “include new powers to force coasting schools, as well as failing schools, to accept new leadership.” Let’s hope he does the same to all the coasting MPs there will be in The House.

Childcare – Currently 3 and 4 year olds are entitled to 15 hours a week. Dodgy is going to wave his magic wand and turn this into 30 hours a week from 2017. The Pinocchio Bill of all time! No mention of the individuals to do this, where the extra numbers will come from, where it will happen, where the money comes from … …. …. …. …. …

Enterprise – If he does the one thing of getting big businesses to actually pay their bills on time then this might be a winner. We reckon it’ll be 4 and half years before it comes in. He wouldn’t want to upset his friends.

Scotland – This is the one where we’ll see just how much the Yes/No vote was well and truly conned.

Human Rights – This will be re-written as the “All Tory Bosses Know What’s Best” and reveal to all the world that Dodgy, May and Gideon are the extremely Nasty People we all know them to be.

Counter-Extremism – Keep awake for this one. Under the cloak of ‘defence of the nation’ all manner of shite will be pushed through IF nobody is awake. It’s the Trojan Horse for Dodgy-Dave.

Communications and Data – This is May and her snoopers charter. Forget all the ‘clever’ cak they will use to blind the average Joe with. It will be there to monitor the Plebs; the terrorists have already moved-on computer wise months before.

Housing – This is basically selling off the housing stock to people they think will vote for them. It’s called Gerrymandering. The big call is about “200,000 starter homes” but hang on. That’s just 307 homes per constituency! So that’s just 61 homes a year – well those who get them will be happy. What about the rest?

NHS – This is the REAL Black Hole. Gideon seems to have found £8 billion down the back of the Chequer’s Sofa or Dodgy has been growing a Magic Money Tree. They also aim to recruit 5,000 new GPs. D’oh! Where from? Looks like that Immigration Bill has been pissed on already.

Wales – This is Dodgy and his “as fast as I can” Bill. Probably best not to hold your breath in Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland.

Repeal Hunting – This is the one where Dodgy sticks two-fingers up and pays back all his Tory Donors by letting them rip animals apart for their own amusement. Cor, what a Nasty Man.

Legal Highs – The one thing that would allow us to escape the Madness that El Presidente Cameron is inflicting on us is the thing he wants to ban. What a complete and utter bastard.


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