How Could You Possibly Suggest That The Footballers Of Today Are Disappearing Up Their Own Bums?

Jermain Defoe {who?} plays for Sunderland and has decided that he needs a man-servant. He’s not called the post that choosing to use the euphemistic term of Executive Personal Assistant. He wants somebody, make that a dogsbody, to arrange his diary, stock his fridge, look after his plants and produce smartphone apps to promote Brand Defoe.

Helpfully he has included a list of the some of the tasks the new recruit would be involved in:

• Organise all Jermain’s personal needs i.e. drycleaners, gardeners, house refurbishments, sourcing interior designers and everyday task etc.
• Regularly checking the home when Jermain is away, making sure all is in place for his return i.e. fridge is stocked and plants watered and house is clean.
• Select and organise wardrobe with specific designers for special events/appearances i.e. Oswald Boateng, Harrods, ZAP etc

Defoe earns around £60,000 A WEEK and is prepared to pay the successful candidate £60K a year. It seems he might be open to negotiation and a further £10k is available if they are also happy to wipe his arse for him each morning. LINK

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