Dodgy Plays His Old “Don’t Look Here, Look Over There” Trick For The Flock Of Press To Follow

You can imagine the scene. Dodgy Dave combing what’s left of his hair in one of the mirrors in his office while Sir Outback plans the latest diversion. Dodgy knows he is in for a damn good kicking in both bollox today. He’s going to get it in the right knacker over the deal that Giddy has accepted where Google are paying less than 3% in tax. He’s going to get it in the left knacker because a judge has made a decision over the hated Bedroom Tax that exposes him and IDS as a right pair of heartless bastards.

Tricky day not answering any questions on those two for, as it is starting to become, 40 minutes of PMQs. He needs a tangent for everyone to head off on and Sir Outback has the perfect solution.

It was here that the phrase, “bunch of migrants” was born. Dodgy was surprised how easily it slipped off his tongue and could see, instantly, that is was a brilliant deflector. Playing the pantomime dame is easy for Dodgy these days but today was a particularly outstanding performance.

With the timing and elocution of a great Shakespearian actor he launched into his, “They met with a bunch of migrants in Calais.” He nearly ruined it by smiling as he delivered the line he had been rehearsing in a different mirror all morning. You could see him imagining the applause in his head as his supporters went wild with joy and the rest of the world went wild with indignation.

His job was done and Sir Outback settled down in his hammock and sipped on yet another tinny.

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