Tess Publishes Her Full Price List For Awards To Be Issued Jan 1st 2018


Please note: If you have genuinely earned one of these then the charge is not made to your account.

(There is frequent mention of the British Empire – whatever that is!)

British Empire Medal (BEM) – £10,000 and agree to organise a clear-up of your local village.

Member of the Order of the British Empire (MBE) – £25,500 and you’ll need to organise more than one local village clean-up.

Officer of the Order of the British Empire (OBE) – £100,000 and you will need to be known nationally as someone who cleans-up around the country.

Commander of the Order of the British Empire (CBE) – £250,000 and you will need to come up with a clever new idea of how to clean-up at a national level.

Knight/Dame – £950,000 and you will have to have cleaned up over at least ten years nationally OR hand over £1,000,000 to the tory party.

Companion of Honour – do absolutely nothing in cabinet for the full five years and then leave to tell people all about it as long as you are paid £25,000 a time to speak.

See? As long as you have the money it is all very, very easy.

knob-head-chocolate-medal

Digestive Companion of Dishonour

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