Just a few key quotes from the old tosh that Hammond came out with.
I report today on an economy that continues to grow, continues to create more jobs than ever before.
We have already invested almost £700 million in Brexit preparations.
The world is on the brink of a technological revolution. (!)
For the first time in decades Britain is genuinely at the forefront of this technological revolution. (!!!!)
So, at this Budget, we choose a balanced approach.
Building the homes that will make good on our promise to the next generation.
But crucially also helping families to cope with the cost of living.
Where the dream of home ownership is a reality for all generations.
Giving them the security and peace of mind of a regular wage. (No matter how low.)
With inflation peaking at 3% in this quarter, before falling back towards target over the next year.
There is perhaps no technology as symbolic of the revolution gathering pace around us as driverless vehicles.
I know Jeremy Clarkson doesn’t like them.
So we’ll expand the Teaching for Mastery of Maths programme, to a further 3000 schools.
We’ll provide £40 million to train maths teachers across the country.
More maths for everyone.
Computer science is also at the heart of this revolution.
So we’ll ensure that every secondary school pupil can study computing, by tripling the number of trained computer science teachers to 12,000.
We’re investing £300 million to ensure HS2 infrastructure can accommodate future Northern Powerhouse and Midlands Engine rail improvements.
Universal Credit delivers a modern welfare system, where work always pays and people are supported to earn.
But I recognise the genuine concerns on both sides of the House about the operational delivery of this benefit.
We also want to help low-income households in areas where rents have been rising fastest.
In the long run, the answer lies in increasing the amount of housing available.
That is why we introduced the National Living Wage in 2016.
From April, it will rise 4.4%, from £7.50 an hour to £7.83.
From April, I will increase the personal allowance to £11,850.
Duties on other ciders, wines, spirits and on beer will be frozen.
For those who don’t stretch to a private jet, I can announce a new railcard, for those aged 26-30.
Giving 4.5 million more young people a third off their rail fares.
I will, once again, cancel the fuel duty rise for both petrol and diesel that is scheduled for April.
First, we will deliver an additional £10 billion package of capital investment over the course of this Parliament.
Meaning that it (NHS) will receive a £7.5 billion increase to its resource budget over this year and next year.
But I want to assure NHS staff and patients, that IF the Health Secretary’s talks bear fruit, I will protect patient services by providing additional funding for such a settlement.
I want to turn to the challenge of the Housing Market.
House prices are increasingly out of reach for many.
It takes too long to save for a deposit.
And rents absorb too high a portion of monthly income.
We send a message to the next generation that getting on the housing ladder is not just a dream of your parents’ past.
But a reality for your future.
I’ve received representations for a temporary Stamp Duty holiday to first time buyers.
But that would only help those ready to purchase now.
And would offer nothing for the many who will need to save for years.
So, with effect from today, for all first-time buyer purchases up to £300,000, I am abolishing stamp duty altogether.
When we say we will revive the home-owning dream in Britain. We mean it.
To seize the opportunities ahead of us and, together, build a Britain fit for the future.
Cor, what a load of old bollox!