Nobby (18)

Nobby: I Was There As History Was Made

Our at-the-game reporter was able to send us, via his Samsung device, his own match report.

“I was there along with Burty, Sner, Shag and of course Nobby. I reckon this was the best £10 I have spent on live football for many a long year anywhere in the country. Good atmosphere with supporters from both sides getting on well, good game of high skill level and total commitment resulted intruly worthy winners.

Dorchester played a good patient passing game and their strategy certainly paid off. The sending off probably did make a slight difference across the 80 minutes but overall Dorchester Town FC did more than enough to go through to the next round.

LSW on Samsung and his bike

Nobby Has A Rant

Honestly Shag, football and footballers! What an utter bunch of tossers. Is there one of them Sner, with as much as a brain cell, I’m not even after a whole brain Shag.

Then that Radio Reject Station over on BBC 5 Shag. Are they all the presenters who failed at every interview they ever went to? What a pointless bunch of knob heads.

All the crap that came out today Sner. “That was off-side. That wasn’t a foul. That should have been a corner. That wasn’t a yellow card. Why don’t they have a sin-bin?”

The total idiot Shag was some women who had clearly escaped from her carer. Fair play to the guy Sner who was running it as this poor deficient soul blamed the sending off, the goal, the fact the earth isn’t flat, the reason we can’t time travel, plus a few more, all at the feet of Sir Alex Ferguson.

Now Shag, we both know he is not the nicest bloke on the planet but, come on! The woman was a basket case Sner.

So then, what’s the lesson for all of those involved football Shag? Simple, all you shit-for-brains:


Way too easy for such a bunch of illiterates to grasp so, Sner, get ready to listen to the same old bollocks all over again from everyone of them come next week.

Just for a real laugh we now have Chelsea complaining Shag. Those foul-mouthed gits from Stamford Bridge have been so traumatised they may not sleep at night. The reason that they may all need therapy Sner is that they reckon the Ref may have used a naughty swear word towards two of them! Can you believe the shite these over-paid knobheads come out with Shag? Thay shout and swear at everyone, cheat and lie for 90 min and then moan because there is a chance the Ref told two of them to stop being knobheads or hopefully something worse. What do you make of that Sner?

They’ve have been so upset, having to run off the pitch in tears, that they have made a Grown-Up complaint to The FA. Now Shag, call me a cynical old bastard if you like but, is it just possible that the tossers in Blue think this will get the FA back for giving Terry-Tosspot a fine and a ban. No, they wouldn’t be that childish. ‘Cause they are Shag!


Looks like I was right Shag. They claim that he wasn’t swearing, oh no Sner, guess what? They are claiming racist comments. Are they just trying to take the piss Shag? Mike the refs up, play it live on the TV and then we can all contact the police about the players foul and abusive language. Professionals my arse!

(These are the views of Nobby and of Nobby alone – ff)

Oh Yes, Very Mature Cole!

Hello Shag, you alright? What a bunch of tarts. Been a lot of chat about Terry and Ferdinand not shaking each other by the bloody hand at the weekend Sner. So bloody what? Why should either of them Shag?

What nobody seems to have spotted is that miserable git Cole Sner. Check-out the video clip HERE Shag. Look closely at the 30 – 32 sec mark and watch that horrible little git Cole Shag. As Ferdinand comes up to him Sner, he does the old cowboy spittoon trick and gobs over his shoulder. Very ‘professional’ attitude Shag. How much are these girls paid a week? Tarts!

Nobby Gives It A Good Shake

‘You Must Shake Hands Before The Game’

What a load of old bollocks a Shag? Why the bloody hell would you want to put your hand in the hand of some horrible git who, for all you know Sner, could have been doing all sorts earlier. It’s all so bloody false, like everything else in football these days Shag. For a start the toss-pots call themselves Professionals Shag. What a pack of lying, cheating, diving gits game after game Sner. “Our ball!” “Off-side!” “Penalty!” “I’m mortally wounded but I’ll be running about in two seconds Shag!” They just take the piss Sner.

If they forced me Shag, to shake hands before a game, I’d make bloody sure I’d had a good rub around my arse before going out Sner! “Have some of THAT Terry – and best you don’t wipe your nose for a bit!” Ay Shag?

(These are the views of Nobby and of Nobby alone – ff)

Nobby Hangs Out Again

How are you doing Shag? Been away for a bit with a problem around the ballroom Sner. Local hospital was great, nurses really looked after me very well. Well apart from one miserable sow Shag, but then she was an Agency nurse so as far as I’m concerned Sner, she doesn’t count as a real nurse. She was a right ugly bitch as well Sner: heaven help the poor old sod she goes home to! Know what Shag, even the bloody food was good. Not enough of it though Sner. I think the cheeky gits were trying to tell me I’m a fat bastard! Next, Shag, they’ll say I drink too much. Bollocks to that Sner.

Well things look pretty simple after the last footie match Shag. After the amazing Olympic performance followed by the brilliant Paralympics we have two major sporting successes Sner. Stands to reason, after a damn good thumping of 5 – nil to Moldova Shag. Third piece of good luck Sner will be England World Cup Winners 2014. Have some of THAT Shag!

Be fair Sner, Moldova are one of the best teams in the world. See Shag –

(These are the views of Nobby and of Nobby alone – ff)

Well Get THAT Stitched up Shag!

How are you Sner? I’m Nobby and I’m always hanging out in the bar.

“Always Hanging Out”

Finally, something to watch on the footie. Wayne and a gash, don’t know how old it was Shag. If he wandered around Chickerell of a night he’d have one of those a week Shag? Looks like they still use those leather studs we used to hammer in with nails Sner. Does he go on the ‘sick’ now? Ought to be made to sign on come Monday morning – would that be a hoot Shag!

Can’t wait for some load of bollocks to come out of Radio 5Live Sner, as we have ‘Niceboy’ Savage, then Lineker followed by Shear-Crap-Shearer telling us how we need to check out the surface of boots at half hour intervals Shag.

Then that drag-act, Victor Derbyshire, will probably have a phone in come Monday morning because he has sod all else to talk about Sner.

Alright then Sner, I’ll get back to you next week. See you for now Shag – this is Nobby Hanging Out In The Bar.

(These are the views of Nobby and of Nobby alone – ff)

Hello Shag, seen some of that bloody football and had to get back to you.

“Always Hanging Out”

It’s easy to see, Sner, how they get away with such crap presenters when you see how thick the players are. Why are they allowed to try and talk such utter bollocks in front of the camera? A four year old makes more sense than most of the idiots.

Just to top it off we get a look at the so called managers – Pardow? What a tosser! Manager? He couldn’t manage a good dump in the morning.

“Meeee, meeeee, I want my ball back! Meeeee, meeeeee. Give ME the ball.” He needed a bloody good slap that one Shag. Should be banned for the whole bloody season how sad, pathetic and immature can you get eh Sner?

Olympic Legacy my arse. Did he throw a tantrum because he was about to win a Gold medal? A World Cup? An FA Cup? No, a bloody throw-in Shag. You wouldn’t believe it.

Alright then Sner, I’ll get back to you next week. See you for now Shag – this is Nobby Hanging Out In The Bar.

(These are the views of Nobby and of Nobby alone – ff)

What’s on Sner? I hang out in the bar. What do you do shag?

“Always Hanging Out”

Football came back to the BBC today. What a bunch of tossers.

What do they offer us, eh Sner? Gobby Bloody Logan. She apparently knows a lot about football because her dad was a really good player. He was good at pissing standing-up but does that mean she is? They also drag the old slapper out to tell us all about rugby. That seems to work because she is married to an ex-rugby player. Worse than that Shag, he only ever played for Scotland! Must be a hoot to be near the lifts though when Gobby is about and they are recording Desert Island Discs. Seems Kenny had a bit of a ‘thing’ there Shag, seems he likes presenters and Kirsty Young got involved in a scrummage or two! The nice thing Shag, would be if she paid some bloody tax as seems she was doing a Jimmi Carr. It’s all bollocks now though Sner, because she works for the BBC and old Eton-Boy is away on holiday for some 18 weeks it’s all forgotten.

Then they have the ‘Jeremy Hunt’ of all TV and Radio snerds with that knobhead Savage. If he really knows so much about a football how come not a club in the land touch him with a barge-pole? You would think they would all be beating his door down, eh Shag? It’s because they know he’s a knobhead. He looks nice in those glitter shirts though Shag – what do you reckon? Put him in the ‘suspect’ pile – nice boy.

To finish it all off we can then suffer the vacuous, pointless piece of piss, after John Inverdale of course Sner, that of Gary Winston Lineaker. I hear they have made a dildo Sner and it looks just like him. I reckon they used it to present most of the bloody Olympics!

Alright then Sner, I’ll get back to you next week. See you for now Shag – this is Nobby Hanging Out In The Bar.

(These are the views of Nobby and of Nobby alone – ff)