13/6/12 The latest from the Beer Monster

6/6/12 The last gasp

Lewis finishes tonight. It had a good run but enough is enough.

Then their is an odd one. The Secret History of our Streets begins which is a survey of London’s streets. Odd because  next Saturday Jools Holland has a series on a journey through the streets of London. Déjà vu or what?

Tower of London

Running out of ideas at the Beeb?

30/5/12 A rugby final and a last gasp

London Welsh and Cornish Pirates complete the second leg of this final which has been rendered pointless. As those in charge have said that neither club has the infrastucture to go up a league there really isn’t much to play for. Let’s see how the appeal goes.

Last throws of Lewis – oh good – a crime taking place in Oxford. We have not had that on the telly for 24 hours!

23/5/12 Oh dear

Lewis: time to call it a day boys. Now we need to rely on social networking to come up with a storyline. Oh dear. It was good though.

16/5/12 Wednesday really is rubbish!

First of 4 episodes of Lewis starts up tonight. Starting to look old and tired so perhaps everyone ought to move on. Anyone who has followed it since Morse started can just about pick-out the episodes that have been sewn together to make a ‘new’ one. Let’s hope it all finishes with a final 4 excellent stories.

9/5/12 Just go to the pub tonight

3/5/12 Just footie – sad to say

25/4/12 Sorry, just some football

Real Madrid and Bayern Munich but that is your lot…………

Apart from some of the biggest TOSH on TV. The ‘school’, or Young Offenders Institute as it is more correctly known, ends the series with a good old day-to-day event like a gang fight. There is a rumour that someone dies – sadly it seems it is just one character. The good news is that they will then close the school – at last!!!! Have the scriptwriters, if they have any, ever heard of Ofsted? But wait, as would happen in real life, they decide to move the whole school, and the staff (as IF!), and the pupils (where the hell are they and their familes going to live?) all the way up to Scotland.

And we all HAVE to pay for this utter rubbish.

18/4/12 The pattern is now set

If you don’t like footie you’ve had it. If you do then all you need to know is it’s Chelsea and Barcelona – let’s get it on!!!

11/4/12 The pattern is now set

One hundred and five minutes of pointless Antiques followed by 90 min of cooking. They then manage to drag-out Amstrad Sugar (how we’d like to see that) for another 90 min. Just pathetic stuff. Give us our TV Tax Back! Could be time to start a Facebook page.

4/4/12 Thank heavens for footie

Please email, if you dare risk it these days, and let us know what you do if you don’t like footie. Chelsea and Benfica but after that….oh come on!

Some items to comment on though. Oh great – yet another Food show on the BBC! Paris at the start of the week, dire, and this one goes to Norfolk. For an hour!!!! Although we are based in Dorset we do know about Norfolk – it doesn’t take an hour.

We do have the great Dr. Alice Roberts at 9 o’clock. IF the BBC had any sense they would let the good doctor just get on with it. We are pretty damn sure they do not have that much sense. They will have a director who, when Dr. Roberts says ‘Ice Age’ will show us a picture of some ice. When she says ‘Mammoth’ they will show us a picture of a woolly elephant. Please don’t let them do it Alice.

Alice Roberts on 15 February 2007 at Broadmead...

Dr Alice Roberts, please put the BBC straight! (That maybe impossible)

Not as bad as News24 mind. There you have to set a picture next to every word they say. ‘Petrol Strike’ accompanied with a picture of a petrol pump just in case we couldn’t quite make the association for ourselves. Gee, thanks BBC.

It does finish though with the next part of Hit The Jack. We reckon that by part 3 out of 6 we must be up to Kick The Jack by now. If they don’t rev things up a bit how, by part 6, are we going to be up to Pull The Bum-Fluff Out Of The Face Of The Jack???

28/3/12 Footie!

AC Milan and Barcelona kick-off at 7:45 as they play the opening game of the quarter-finals. That is, as they say, pretty much your lot!

21/3/12 A palindrome

Some good old predictable rubbish with a new episode of Midsomer Murders. There is also the big clash of Manchester City and Chelsea.

The rest of the evening will probably be taken up working out how much poorer the millionaire Osborne has left us.

“I’ve told you before, this IS my ‘sincere'”

14/2/12 There is something on the BBC!

We’ve got Andrew Neil trying to make some sense of Human Rights Laws and how it is applied, or misapplied, in different situations. We wonder if Theresa May will be watching?  There is Chelsea trying to make sense of the mess they have got themselves in and Real Madrid in the Champions league.

Great Olympic team news! A Cuban has been selected to wear a GB vest at the Olympics. Obviously the original Olympic hopeful, who for many years has had a dream of taking part in the Olympic Games in what is possibly the country of her birth, is absolutely delighted at this turn of events.

Zola Budd was believed to have said “it’s very traditional”.

Budd used in the 1984 Olympic Games to trip up Mary Decker and deny the USA runner a medal

7/3/12 Pretty poor showing – BBC = 0

Barcelona or Spurs and that is just about it. There is the last Mark Thomas on the radio so heaven help us next week.

29/2/12 Just the footie – BBC = 0

Nothing on apart from England and Holland. Mark Thomas is on the radio and that’s about your lot. An extra day on the year and nothing to show for it!

22/2/12 The good, the bad and the downright dreadful

The good news is that we have the Mark Thomas: Manifesto. Bit confusing though as it is on both Radio 4 Extra at 10:00 while having been on Radio 4 at 6:30. Not too sure if these are the same episode or one is catch-up. No harm to check both though.

Mark Thomas

The bad is Basel and Bayern Munich in the UEFA Champions League because it should have been Manchester United playing instead.

The truly dreadful is the quite appalling return of the vomit inducing Waterloo Road. Why our TV Tax money is used to buy this crap is totally beyond all of us at The Field. The BBC is totally unaccountable to anybody but it’s pompous self so we guess this garbage will continue for years. Did any of the writers ever go to school?

Stick with The Inbetweeners – they know what they are writing about.

15/2/12 A bit of sport

Early we have Pakistan and England that will take us through much of the day. Then Milan and Arsenal take over and all we can find after that is the classic Inbetweeners episode where Will freaks out because some Thorpe Park riders appear to have jumped the queue. We still know what’s coming but you can’t help but squirm as he realises what he has done. There is of course Neil in his speedos.

8/2/12 Just football and nostalgia

Semi-final stage of The Africa Cup of Nations. The first one starts at 4:00 and the second at 7:00. The only things then worthy of a mention are Bill Bailey on Have I Got News For You and then the start, again, of the first series of Inbetweeners. You don’t have to have worked with Sixth Formers to get this but is does mean you don’t miss any of the clever observations.

The Inbetweeners Series 1 DVD, showing the fou...

Brighter than some Y12’s

Loose Women – they got that one right!

The Levenson Inquiry sounded a bit out of their depth today. Couldn’t help having the feeling that they thought Internet Explorer was the only browser that existed. Also we were left with the feeling that they didn’t fully understand how vast the Web is. They seemed to be under the illusion that ‘things’ just needed to be ‘checked’ without having any concept of what was involved or how long it would take.

What has happened to the English language? Three examples: we don’t seem to have gender anymore. You can’t have a wife or a husband it has to be a partner. Where did that come from? (don’t lie, we know exactly where that came from. ff) We don’t have any actresses anymore they are all actors. Doh! Can someone show us the minutes of the meeting where it was agreed that a spear-tackle, a term in common use for years, would suddenly be referred to as a ‘trip-tackle’. Bow-da-see-aa must be turning in her grave.  Boo-di-ca indeed! Did someone find some ancient recordings of her followers talking about her? Doh! And it’s Nestles – as in wrestles – always was, always will be.

1/2/12 Murder!

Reckon all there is tonight is the reliable Midsomer Murders. Reliable in so much as you know its all tosh. Few things to ponder: is there anyone left there to be murdered? Who would want to live there with a killer at every turn? The Mail would be going mad because the house prices must have plummeted by now but then nobody can afford to move out. Why haven’t we had a government politician in an episode telling the public not to worry and that ‘everything is under control’. Of course – it’s not real!

25/1/12 Just a lot of bottom kissing

The TV awards tonight where a right lot of ‘darlings’ can all kid themselves they are all so wonderful. Toe curling and butt clenching in equal measure. Two and a half hours are given over to this tosh! Give us strength.

The only thing that can save us from all those sycophants is some footie. Three matches no less: Mali V Guinea followed by Equatorial Guinea (haven’t they just played? ff) V Senegal and then all topped off with the second part of Man City and Liverpool.

“And The Biggest Bum Kisser Award Goes To………”

18/1/12 Something on today

Looking like an excellent documentary on at 9:30 tonight with Dr Tom Asbridge giving us a breakdown on The Crusades’ Seems to be a one-off rather than a series which seems a tall order to complete in an hour! There is also some more cricket from a near empty Dubai. We wonder if anyone watching it there actually paid their own money to attend? We doubt it.

Shock Report: It has come to our attention that there are a large number of backbenchers who are simply ‘coasting’. They attend local meetings, go for free meals and hospitality, turn up at the House of Commons (sometimes) and make sure they are seen waving their ballot papers on a Wednesday PMQ’s. They make sure they collect their £65,000 each year and that is just about it. We will fight to expose the names of these backbenchers and shame them into doing something for their salary, expenses and pension.

The Follow-Up

11/1/12 There is something on today

Manchester City and Liverpool fight it out to get to the final of the League Cup. We then have Freddie Flintoff looking at that ‘vital 10%’ that coaches are always on about and how depression can have an impact on it. Shame that Piers Stefan Pugh Morgan gets involved: what the hell does he know about sport?

With MPs desperate to put the price of drink up we thought we’d take a look at what they pay in their own semi-private bars – bearing in mind this is in the middle of London. Price List

It is interesting to note that we all subsidise the catering for the MPs. Up to March 2010 that was to the tune of £5.7M. Obviously from then on, like the rest of us around the country, there was a severe tightening of the belt so that to March 2011 we subsidised it to the tune of £5.8M. Now there’s a funny thing.

In the light of the MP’s report on drinking isn’t it great that they are setting the trend by closing all the alcoholic bars for two whole days every week. What a splendid example to us all.

4/1/12 Couple of things on today

Nature’s Weirdest Events should be worth a look. It does mean you’ll need to stagger the viewing of the new series from Heston Blumenthal. It is his first one so we will all need to gauge it from this. If you fancy a bit of ‘Food Porn’ then try and catch an American called Adam and his Man v Food series. If you’ve ever wondered why Americans have big fat butts then look no further!

We also have Newcastle playing the Premier League Winners Man Utd (we will be held to that in a few months time! ff)

How stupid are weather reporters? Standing in the wind and the pouring rain to tell us it’s raining. How dumb do they think we are? Stay inside and point the camera out of a convenient window. Unless of course, all those Goretex jackets they wear mean they are sponsored by the firms to wear them. Makes you wonder but they will carry on until one of them dies, swept out to seas off a harbour wall and then all hell will break out.

Be honest, what were the chances that Beckham and Stick were going to move to France? No chance whatsoever. We guess that neither of them can speak French, barely speak any English, so that was never going to happen.

Very sad to hear the passing of Ronald Searle; great bloke.

21/12/11 Our only hope is Christmas Comes

Wigan and Liverpool are live at 8.00. There is also a little gem on Radio 4 at 11.30 am – John Peel’s Shed. The BBC then use their imagination to give us Nigel Slater doing some Christmas cooking for an hour. We get a break for 30 min and then Rick Stein gives us some Spanish (?) Christmas ideas for another hour. Those Oxbridge schedulers worked overtime putting this nights viewing together.

The more we see of the Leveson Inquiry we have to ask – Who still buys a printed paper? Very odd.

Piers Stefan Pugh-Morgan, formally known as Piers Stefan O’Meara, gives his evidence via a video from the USA. Bit worried what might happen to him if he sets foot over here? He should be.

Christmas University Challenge:
Not one of them even knew what a Prime Number was! Heaven help us.

14/12/11 We may just witness history being re-written tonight

Looks like Evan Davis wants to eulogise Jobs. We do hope they don’t try to make out that he was the only person responsible for the computer revolution. The idea has certainly started to creep in more and more. The vast population will find this hard to believe but a lot of us were using computers way before the iMac ever appeared, back when it was all Apple. The power of advertising should never be underestimated. We would imagine Davis and Fry got a very nice iBag of goodies for Christmas after this.


Jamie gives us yet another Christmas Blow-Out! This one will take us two hours – undo that belt a notch. I really couldn’t eat another thing.

07/12/11 TV to follow………Thursday!

Thanks to Tessa Jowl (sic) we now have the three perfect political excuses for when things go wrong.

  1. “Nobody told me” and even though I’m in charge I made sure I didn’t ask anyone.
  2. “I was on holiday” and I never listen to the news at any stage or talk to anyone on the phone.
  3. “I was dealing with the riot” and couldn’t care less about the spending on the most expensive sporting event this country has ever entertained.



In support of those taking action today against the theft of their pension by a bunch of two faced, hypercritical, pointless MPs who’s own pensions will be more than most of those taking part are actually paid there will be no other comments from The Field today.

23/11/11 A couple of highlights today.

Ralf Little pops up to star in a sitcom he co-wrote. The Café has a double outing tonight and if the clips are anything to go by it does have potential. Chelsea are playing tonight with the UEFA favourites Barcelona making an appearance.

Radio 2 also has a shout today with some tracks from The Old Grey Whistle Test including Richard Thompson who is now an OBE!

Sachin Tendulkar may get his chance of a hundredth hundred at the Wankhede Stadium (who could resist?).

Francis Maud must be really peeved with the action planned for 30th Nov. If he went on strike who could tell? When you are so full of yourself that has got to hurt. Truth is they could ALL go and strike and it would just seem like yet another recess. Great phrase that; we go on holiday or have a vacation. They are in “recess”. What a bag of nuts.

State funding means they now want us to pay even more so as they can go on telling us half truths. Cor, what a great idea and another bag of nuts.

Good old Richard Hawley manages to make his way on to advert after advert. He will soon be on a par with Moby. The Renault ad seems to be his latest – well done Richard, “Let’s Ballad”.

What a big surprise! The rich just keep getting richer while it’s the poor that continue to get the blame. The state of the nation comes as a result of attracting the best people for the job from a global field. What a wonderful job they have done! Are we really being told that it couldn’t be done for less by someone who could really do the job? That really is a very large bag of nuts.

I love the way that someone earning £1m or more a year must be offered a bonus to get the best out of them. At the same time the poor git who has to do the work is told their pay must be held or reduced in order for the business to survive. What a bag of nuts.

16/11/11 Nothing on today.

Bones starts a new series. That great actress Emily Deschanel will no doubt give another great performance…..as a plank. Pinocchio could give her a Masterclass.

It’s the Half-Half-Term holidays! Schools out. It’s been simply ages since the Boarders have had a break. Golly gosh, they had it off (snigger, snigger) from 15th Sept to 10th Oct but Head Boy, Cameroon, has told everyone they can go home until Monday. They have all done so well in the recent weeks, Ollie with his waste-paper recycling and Ozzy really giving those Froggies a biff, that we can all go home to see Mater, Pater and Nursie. Simply spiffing.

Gosh, right old ‘how’s your Pater’ at the end of school today. The Lower Sixth were left to make their own way home so were the only ones left to talk about the Tuck Shop rise of 3p. They did a bit of showboating in the Big Hall and then left for their Half-Half-Term hols. Super.

Check-out the BBC iPlayer and see how Rick cooked up the Blues. Could be good as long as he can refrain from waving his hands about like a right Public Schoolboy. Get a pair!

Keep an eye out for this one. Sachin Tendulkar has completed 22 years in international cricket and is awaiting a record 100th ton. The master has gone without a ton for 8 months now.

Battleships: Not sure Brodie got a Hit or a Miss. I think Mayday is still being called but it looks as if she may have found a lifeboat. The tide may still turn though.

UPDATE: So just when it’s too late Johnson leaves the England team. The man who should be doing the job has just left to work on with Wales. You read it here first.

The Guy Who Should Be In Charge

2 Responses to 3 WED

  1. Pingback: The FordingtonField To Target ‘Coasting’ MP’s | The FordingtonField

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