Premier League Results So Far

Last gasp for José but it was a win and Chelsea keep winning as well.

august 27

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“Oh Dear What Can The Matter Be? A Poor Norwegian Is Stuck Down The Lavatory!”

Ever dropped your phone? Ever dropped it into water? Dropped it down a toilet? When the friend of Cato Berntsen Larsen dropped his while taking a whizz he jumped in, feet first, to rescue it.

It had dropped into a tank that is emptied once a season which caused the heroic 20-year-old to vomit as he stood in the thigh-deep deposits. Not nice and poor Cato had other problems.

“It was disgusting down there – the worst I have experienced. There were animals down there too.”

toilet bowl 1

When he is really having fun he is an amateur diver but fortunately he didn’t enter the tank head-first! It does seem it was a bit of a lobster trap though as he was able to get down but couldn’t get back up.

The firefighters who turned up didn’t mess about and simply smashed the bowl to get him out. He was taken to hospital to have a check-up, have some small bites looked at and given antibiotics.

The phone was never recovered. LINK

toilet bowl 2

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So Why Has The GCSE ‘Good’ Pass Rate Gone Down?

Pretty much due entirely to the government with Gove and Morgan. These two Public School knobbers, both sacked now by Tess May, loved to talk about ‘extending every child’. This was all complete bollox of course. All they wanted to do was to get students through the exams of the very limited subjects they thought were important.

If a student didn’t pass their Maths exam they could, you’ve guessed it, take it again! So having failed they get the chance to fail again. What a brilliant motivational scheme. Just to really rub it in Gove added the prospect of re-taking their English as well if they ‘failed’ that the first time!

Probably something to do with the fact that Gollum Gove has failed so often himself.

It seems of those who have re-taken their Maths and English exam the pass mark for them is 35%. So all of those who didn’t achieve the grade that the government have declared is acceptable can now take it for a third time!! Bet that will really put the pass mark up!

MathFail5

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A Scrum For The World Record

Members of the Golden Oldies World Rugby Club who were attending their festival joined with volunteers at the University Fields, Llanrumney, to break a world record. An amazing 1,297 players joined together to form the largest ever rugby scrum.

World respected Nigel Owens was there to officiate for the Guinness World Records as the world record bid was accepted by them as successful.

biggest scrum

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“Inbreeding” Hoare Hangs On For Nearly Three Weeks But Finally Calls It A Day

David Hoare was brought to you nearly three weeks ago, LINK, when he referred to “inbreeding” on the Isle of Wight. He also referred to it as a bit of a “ghetto”.

He was caught on tape while at a teaching conference and was quick to apologise but the damage had been done. Hardly surprising given what he said.

“Most people go there for sailing for two weeks a year. There’s a sailing club that is one of the best in the world, where there’s champagne,” he said in the recording, which was obtained by the Times Education Supplement.

“But just within inches, there are people who live in a ghetto … They think of it as holiday land. But it is shocking. It’s a ghetto; there has been inbreeding.”

Hard to believe it took him nearly three weeks to admit the blindingly obvious and resign.

isle-of-wight-z-out

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Hunt Is Told By American Doctor To “Stop Trying To Mess It Up”

Dr Jen Gunter had to take her English cousin along to the local A & E after she badly twisted her ankle. The treatment she received left Dr Jen full of admiration for the care in the NHS A & E department.

She was particularly impressed with the speed of the clinic, “My cousin was triaged immediately. Within two minutes a nurse checked her ankle, gave her codeine, and then sent her off to an urgent care clinic.

“To receive this care, all my cousin had to do was provide her name and birth date.

“No co-payments, no pre-authorisations, no concerns about the radiologist or orthopaedic surgeon being out of network.”

She compared the experience of visiting British A&E with American ER where patients are forced to make co-payments to get essential care.

As a warning she explained the dangers of Hunt and his privatisation, “The next time anyone mentions privatisation or user fees tell them in America there are people trying to save enough money for the co-payment for the CT scan that will tell them if their cancer has returned or not.”

In a final note, she said: “To the British government, stop trying to mess it up.”

We couldn’t have put it any better.

jeremy hunt at downing street

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The First Forty Days With Tess May In Charge

So where have we got? Well Dodgy-Dave has gone, Giddy was sacked, Boorish is in charge of the country and we are still in Europe. Oh yes, and apart from Boorish, all the rest of the Leave team has disappeared without trace. Funny old world.

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